Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

The rumors of me being gay are greatly exaggerated. If you thought I might be, you aren't the only one.  If you haven't considered it, maybe you should.  Let's take a look.

The case for:

• From Seinfeld - over 30, single, thin and neat.  I certainly meet those criteria.  It doesn't help my case that my house was decorated with help from a woman. (straight guys - this means things like furniture, curtains and paint match)
• I know how to choose cut flowers and arrange them.
• I have knowledge and appreciation of jewelry.  I helped Tofu girl pick out a ring from Tiffany.
• I have an opinion on what looks good on a woman and can help choose an outfit. (not just lingerie)  Yes ladies, even shoes.
• Cat lover - both of my Bandersnatches are boys.
• I don't like hoppy beers.  I'll even drink my Blue Moon with an orange slice.
• I'm a Judas Priest fan. (for those who don't know, the lead singer came out many years ago)
• I love champagne and keep quite a few bottles on hand.
• I don't wear tighty-whities.
• I'm able to maintain non sexual female friendships.
• I still like Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
• I've had my hair permed on a regular basis. (when I had more of it)
• Got my back waxed without losing a bet. (won't be doing that again)
• I use Clinique skin care for men.
• I don't feel weird using the urinal gap. (ladies - men generally leave a one or more urinal gap as bathroom etiquette, some guys will go into a stall rather than stand between two guys)
• I enjoy fine dining.
• I've gone to yoga classes for over a year
• Don't forget I sewed my own toga.

See what I'm saying?  It's a pretty telling tale leading to one to think about me laying my head on some dudes chest.  I'm sure I missed something and if you're a good friend be sure to point it out.

The case against:

• I have been married. (to a woman)
• Never dated a man.
• I own and know how to use a chainsaw.
• I own 6 pairs of shoes.
• Crush on Jessica Alba.
• I don't like musicals.
• I enjoy SciFi. (not sure this is big in the gay community)
• I'm not afraid of spiders. (unless they are wolf spiders or bigger)
• Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
• The Bandersnatches are named for the guitarist from KISS and the artificial life form from the Alien movie. (Yutani would be a great name for a little girl kitty)
• I don't go clubbing and I'm only an adequate dancer. (after many drinks)
• I enjoy going to the firing range.
• Obviously I enjoy Hard Rock and Heavymetal.
• I don't wear pink.

Not an extremely compelling list against. Nothing about camping, hunting or four wheeling.  And for the more cultured - golfing.  Perhaps the rumors aren't wrong?  Hang on, I did forget one important point against.  I don't form romantic relationships with men.  Still, I could be in denial.  Sorry I'm so difficult.  I'll try to make it easier to be labeled in the future.  NOT!

Tired but Wiser For the Time (10-10-10)

The time leading up to this date was much sadder than I expected.  I've been through my closure and got the answers I was looking for even if I had to do that on my own.  Now the proposed date has come and I hope I can stop thinking about all this crap.  I'm much better off without having a false person around.

(I'm just going to ramble so feel free to move on.  This post is more for me than you dear reader.)

Looking back I can see the red flags that paved the way to get to this point.  I can also see where I comprised once again.  I know relationships have compromise to work but there are some important areas to which this doesn't apply.  Compromise in these areas will lead to the relationship falling apart.  Doesn't matter how much love you have in your heart.

(blah blah blah)

As funny as it sounds, this was the best relationship I've had.  I really enjoyed being together and the things that we did.  I am happy with the way I conducted myself.  I put up with quite a bit including OCD issues, sense of entitlement, and lack of forgiveness.  She'd be happy to tell you I'd be paying for Valentine's day every year after our first one.  I thought she was doing something nice for us but found out she thought I should have offered to pay part of it.  Not that this was mentioned until much later.  It's crazy to think she held onto this after all I did for her and paid for throughout our time together. 

It would have been nice to get a heads up that she wasn't as happy.  But I've come to understand that women swing from tree to tree. (does this prove evolution?)  She wasn't going to leave this one until the next one was lined up.  If she shook the tree by telling the truth, she might have fallen out of it.  Of course I'm not the only one left out, she hasn't told her family or most of her 'friends' either.  I wonder when she'll tell them she's shacked up with grandpa?

So after all this I'm not even left with a friendship which is quite disappointing.  That was the final disrespect paid to me.  I am mature enough to handle going our separate ways and I could enjoy her finding happiness.  My wishes for her now are less than gallant.

(are you done yet?)

Yes, I am dating again and I remember what fun I had being single.  Meeting new people, seeing if there's any interest and then seeing how things progress.  Putting down the red flags as they show up and deciding if it's worth continuing.  I used to think this was too much trouble but I kind of enjoy it.  There's always hope of finding some good.  Meanwhile the rest of my social life has really picked up which has been fun and interesting.  I'll be probably be documenting it here.

(Finally!  Now let's see what tomorrow brings.  Right, now who's up for marching up the down the square?*)


*kudos and geek badge for those who get the reference

Nice Guys Shouldn't Marry

I'd like to share something I've been reading about recently called Marriage Strike.  It's a men's movement that has been going on for awhile now.  I realize this topic could cause some offense, alienation from my friends, questions about my sexual preference, accusations of heartbreak backlash and would break my mother's heart. (let's not tell her)  I am curious to see the discussions that come from this post.

Mom is already disappointed that she won't get any grandkids from me.  That decision I made long ago and don't plan on changing.  This new decision not to get married is sitting well with me too.  You may have read my previous post on romance but understand that this decision doesn't change things.  I would still enjoy a partner to share in life's journey but she has to accept it won't lead to marriage.

Marriage is not what it used to be and is a far cry from what kept my parents together for 60 years.  Today's marriage has been put in the hands of the state and left men with the short end of the stick.  The divorce rate is incredibly high which means there's a 50% chance I could lose 50% or more of what's mine.  That's how the courts work.  Because I've been responsible in keeping my debt low and savings high, that's potentially a big loss for me at this age.  It would be difficult to rebound and even harder depending on how long I would have to pay alimony.  So it's a bad contract which I won't sign.

(Read more here)

I am not hating on women.  I love women and have some cool friends of the fairer sex whom I value.  I also wish the best for those of you who are married or will be. I just have no incentive to marry even if I give my heart to someone.  Even cohabiting can be a tricky situation to get out of as I recently found out.  I had to as nice as possible to avoid any false accusations which could have landed me in jail or kicked out of my own house.  Yes, women will do this to get their way and the law is on their side.  I once spent a very long night at the hospital which ended at the police station with me writing a statement of the night's events.  She fell down the stairs because she was drunk yet she told the police at the hospital I had pushed her.  This a someone I stood by when she left me, cheated on me twice and I supported fully when she quit her job.  Yes, I was much too nice.  I've remedied some of that but I am still a nice guy who won't be marrying.

So now I made some of you mad, some uncomfortable, some sad and my therapist is probably going to call me to schedule an appointment.  But I commend you for reading this far and I'd enjoy your thoughts.