Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

The rumors of me being gay are greatly exaggerated. If you thought I might be, you aren't the only one.  If you haven't considered it, maybe you should.  Let's take a look.

The case for:

• From Seinfeld - over 30, single, thin and neat.  I certainly meet those criteria.  It doesn't help my case that my house was decorated with help from a woman. (straight guys - this means things like furniture, curtains and paint match)
• I know how to choose cut flowers and arrange them.
• I have knowledge and appreciation of jewelry.  I helped Tofu girl pick out a ring from Tiffany.
• I have an opinion on what looks good on a woman and can help choose an outfit. (not just lingerie)  Yes ladies, even shoes.
• Cat lover - both of my Bandersnatches are boys.
• I don't like hoppy beers.  I'll even drink my Blue Moon with an orange slice.
• I'm a Judas Priest fan. (for those who don't know, the lead singer came out many years ago)
• I love champagne and keep quite a few bottles on hand.
• I don't wear tighty-whities.
• I'm able to maintain non sexual female friendships.
• I still like Frankie Goes to Hollywood.
• I've had my hair permed on a regular basis. (when I had more of it)
• Got my back waxed without losing a bet. (won't be doing that again)
• I use Clinique skin care for men.
• I don't feel weird using the urinal gap. (ladies - men generally leave a one or more urinal gap as bathroom etiquette, some guys will go into a stall rather than stand between two guys)
• I enjoy fine dining.
• I've gone to yoga classes for over a year
• Don't forget I sewed my own toga.

See what I'm saying?  It's a pretty telling tale leading to one to think about me laying my head on some dudes chest.  I'm sure I missed something and if you're a good friend be sure to point it out.

The case against:

• I have been married. (to a woman)
• Never dated a man.
• I own and know how to use a chainsaw.
• I own 6 pairs of shoes.
• Crush on Jessica Alba.
• I don't like musicals.
• I enjoy SciFi. (not sure this is big in the gay community)
• I'm not afraid of spiders. (unless they are wolf spiders or bigger)
• Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
• The Bandersnatches are named for the guitarist from KISS and the artificial life form from the Alien movie. (Yutani would be a great name for a little girl kitty)
• I don't go clubbing and I'm only an adequate dancer. (after many drinks)
• I enjoy going to the firing range.
• Obviously I enjoy Hard Rock and Heavymetal.
• I don't wear pink.

Not an extremely compelling list against. Nothing about camping, hunting or four wheeling.  And for the more cultured - golfing.  Perhaps the rumors aren't wrong?  Hang on, I did forget one important point against.  I don't form romantic relationships with men.  Still, I could be in denial.  Sorry I'm so difficult.  I'll try to make it easier to be labeled in the future.  NOT!