I'd like to share something I've been reading about recently called Marriage Strike. It's a men's movement that has been going on for awhile now. I realize this topic could cause some offense, alienation from my friends, questions about my sexual preference, accusations of heartbreak backlash and would break my mother's heart. (let's not tell her) I am curious to see the discussions that come from this post.
Mom is already disappointed that she won't get any grandkids from me. That decision I made long ago and don't plan on changing. This new decision not to get married is sitting well with me too. You may have read my previous post on romance but understand that this decision doesn't change things. I would still enjoy a partner to share in life's journey but she has to accept it won't lead to marriage.
Marriage is not what it used to be and is a far cry from what kept my parents together for 60 years. Today's marriage has been put in the hands of the state and left men with the short end of the stick. The divorce rate is incredibly high which means there's a 50% chance I could lose 50% or more of what's mine. That's how the courts work. Because I've been responsible in keeping my debt low and savings high, that's potentially a big loss for me at this age. It would be difficult to rebound and even harder depending on how long I would have to pay alimony. So it's a bad contract which I won't sign.
I am not hating on women. I love women and have some cool friends of the fairer sex whom I value. I also wish the best for those of you who are married or will be. I just have no incentive to marry even if I give my heart to someone. Even cohabiting can be a tricky situation to get out of as I recently found out. I had to as nice as possible to avoid any false accusations which could have landed me in jail or kicked out of my own house. Yes, women will do this to get their way and the law is on their side. I once spent a very long night at the hospital which ended at the police station with me writing a statement of the night's events. She fell down the stairs because she was drunk yet she told the police at the hospital I had pushed her. This a someone I stood by when she left me, cheated on me twice and I supported fully when she quit her job. Yes, I was much too nice. I've remedied some of that but I am still a nice guy who won't be marrying.
So now I made some of you mad, some uncomfortable, some sad and my therapist is probably going to call me to schedule an appointment. But I commend you for reading this far and I'd enjoy your thoughts.
Amen. I can't say I've completely given up on the concept of marriage, but I will say that any path I take there will be a LONG road. I enjoy the freedom my current lifestyle offers - spend my money on what I want, go where I want, do what I want. Loneliness sometimes sets it, but then I remind myself of painful past memories and I get past it pretty quickly.
ReplyDeleteOh Matt, you’re probably gonna rue the day you ever shared your thoughts with me!
ReplyDeleteWHAT ON EARTH DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FEMINISM?? Abo-fricken-lutely NOTHING!
I agree 100% on the “let’s fight what marriage has become” front. Marriage is gross. It’s really just inviting the government in bed with you. No thanks, there’s already enough people in my bed. I don’t want the government to tell me what I own, what I don’t, and when I can leave someone I’m no longer compatible with. I’mma gonna stay with someone until I see fit. If things go horrifically wrong, then I’m leaving. Marriage erases that “escape hatch,” if you will.
So, as of now, I suspect me and my beloved will be together until the day one of us croaks. But, if one of is were to change, to take a path so incompatible with the other, then I want either one of us the freedom to say “So long! And thanks for all the fish!”
But, what this has ANNNNNYTHING to do with feminism (definition: The theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes (Merriam-Webster)-or, as I prefer to think of it: “the concept that women are human first.”--completely eludes me.
Rue? I wouldn't even know how to rue properly. No, it's not for me. There's no ruing in blogging. Glad to hear you are sort of with me on marriage but I guess the graphic I stole didn't sit well. The posted link should answer your questions about the suggested role feminism had on marriage. The argument is that in fighting for women's rights, the pendulum swung too far the other way and crushed certain rights for men. This is like saying I found the single cause of global warming. (when I do, I'll be sure to blog about it) But that doesn't really matter to me so I'm sorry if it rubbed you the wrong way. My points here are: the idea of marriage is great and I'd like to join up but the legal contract behind it will cause me to stay away. Now git in that thar kitchen and make me a sammich! Rue rue rue your boat...
ReplyDeleteLuvstodo hair said:
ReplyDeleteMarraige is and always has been a TWO~WAY STREET, Here In P-ville with Hubby Gates as of this passed Sept 5th ,we have celebrated 29 years of unbridaled Wedded Bliss,,, cough ,cough, ahem... Excuse me ...
When we were very young we got all our willy's out, Shake~ Shake ~Shaken ,our Booty's and had fun doing it !!! WE loved the fact that we still to this day do anything we want to ,whenever we want to ,if we want to ,When we want to ... However we want to ,if the mood strikes us... THATS the Beauty of MARRAIGE, You set up the game yourself and you make the rules...Half of everything we have , is what we earned together,Keeping in check our separate Business's and separate Checking accounts, separate taxes,If I leave I leave with my stuff. If he Leaves He leaves with his stuff,, But To be Honest.. That will never happen. I can't breathe with out my family...I never could and never will. The sunrises and sets with them ...I hope you will have a long and Happy relationship as I do ...When you find Her, you will know...Peace to you Matt...Luvstodohair
"SHE" THe Women of your Dreams... is out there for you Matt Waiting, thinking about,how you'l meet,wondering what you will say the first time you meet,,, She will be captivating,endowd with all the Beauty, Grace & Charm...She is there... I know it ...You know it ,and She knows it , Open your and allow the universal energy to seep into it.You may be supprised at what you find,Don't be so certain that you will not want to marry after awhile,,,I won't hold you to it... Keep an open mind and Heart, The rest will follow...Luvstodohair
ReplyDeleteThanks for the incite Luvshair. Currently any woman showing up in my dreams is a harpy so let's hope that changes. I agree with most of what you said until you wrote "thats the beauty of marriage." In fact, you can have all that without being married. All marriage adds is a legal contract which is biased against me. Let's use your example of keeping things separate but substitute in some other woman. Now this women is bored after 29 years and tells hubby to kiss off. She doesn't need a real reason. He takes his half and goes. But it doesn't end there. The State tells him that the kids, who stay with their mother, will miss his half so he better start sending some checks. The women also can say she's missing his half and then he's writing yet another check. His half has suddenly diminished by quite a bit while hers remains intact. That's my beef. I'll keep my heart and mind open but my bank account remains closed.
ReplyDeleteI get it ! I really Do But Money isn't the world to me... ANd I Have been BORED !Many Times, as well as He Has too.. But Thats where Councel make some of their money to help to get thing spiced up and in perspective again...But When, & If, you Ever had the Wonder& Amazement & Simple Beauty of your own child, You will do anything for that person... have sleepless years in bed,, No majical words in the middle of the nite when they are frighten, No extra cash at Christmas !...I can say You will do Just about anything ...even Cut off your Right arm and Both legs , AND live in a Box...just to make them Happy again,At that point I think we both realized that Money really doesn't matter...I would give up everything just to see my daughters and stepson smile! I'm that in love with all of them ! ~Like I said, I can't Breathe without everyone being Happy In my Home ! They Light UP my Life !
ReplyDeleteI hope you find the love in Whatever makes you Happy! Money is not the Whole Pic ~LOVE ~is ! Hopefully she will not be a DREAM for very long...